Craig

Craig is the co-founder, bassist, and unofficial adult supervision of Corporate Stiffs.

A classically trained musician blessed with perfect pitch, Craig possesses the rare ability to identify precisely how badly the band is playing at any given moment.

His musical career began with considerably higher aspirations, eventually landing him in a successful yacht rock band heavily influenced by Michael McDonald and the soothing sounds of financially comfortable white men singing about complicated relationships.

Tragically, the yacht rock dream came to an abrupt end when the band's lead singer went to prison for reasons nobody is willing to discuss.

The charges remain a mystery. Craig insists he knew nothing. His attorney has advised him to stop talking about it.

Traumatized by the experience and concerned about protecting his professional reputation, Craig retired from the live music scene and embraced the comforting predictability of corporate life.

When Dave approached him about forming a band that would never perform publicly, Craig immediately recognized the brilliance of the business model.

For the first time in his musical career, he had found a band whose long-term goals were perfectly aligned with his desire to accomplish absolutely nothing.

Musically, Craig is a complex contradiction. His heart belongs to the Pixies, his soul belongs to Michael McDonald, and his liver belongs to the corporate wellness program.

He refuses whiskey on weeknights, citing concerns about his ability to function at work the following morning. This has earned him the respect of his employer and the quiet disappointment of everyone else in the band.

Recently, Craig has taken up distance running and hopes to someday surpass Forrest Gump's legendary cross-country achievement, preferably without growing a beard or losing his benefits.